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Special Thank You to Gibson DelGiudice for supplying the play transcript. The audio on this page is not an actual cast recording! It is a mixture of the Belasco, Roxy and Motion Picture recordings, to make a representation of the complete show.

Unless you were there, it is almost impossible to imagine how The Rocky Horror Show was presented in 1974. The many new interpretations, as well as decades of the Motion Picture, have all but erased the original intentions and mode of the original work. I will attempt to remedy this, by explaining the entire show:

The venue is all important! A single level cinema, on the verge of being condemned, in a seedy area, the bigger the loss of opulence, the more impacting the effect. Rocky Horror is about a loss of innocence, the decaying movie house providing the sense of losing the past and the immediate recognition that this show is about movies. The dilapidated facade is papered with half torn Rocky Horror posters. Once inside the auditorium, you see that the entire interior has been covered in dark blue canvas, stenciled with ACME Demolition Co. Scaffolding runs along both side walls finising at raised platforms at the sides of the stage. The one at the left has a ladder running from the stage to the platform, where an old Coca-Cola chest-style fridge (or hospital bed, if the Coke machine is used elsewhere) is sitting with black curtaining blocking any view of what may lie behind (This area is the LABORATORY). The right hand aisle is blocked by a catwalk running from one of the back doors and meeting at the right side of the stage. The scaffolding platform on the right supports the band - guitar, bass guitar, keyboards, tenor sax and drums. The room is very dimly lit and what can be seen is decaying, cracked or missing, a lifeless arm can be seen hanging through a large crack in the ceiling's plasterwork and collapsed chairs are stacked under the scaffolding.

set

As the theatre is a cinema, the amount of room behind the screen has a bearing on the set's layout. If there is enough space, the band can perform from behind the movie screen, and the right hand side scaffolding platform can hold the Coke fridge. Behind the screen is a curved ladder that forms an arch, also a set of coloured lights making a rainbow. The screen is a guaze, fine enough to see through when lit from behind.

3 "ushers" badly dressed in moth eaten suits and clear plastic face masks menace patrons by standing and staring at them, or sitting in a empty seat next to them, till they notice and yelp with fright. At one point one of them begins vacumning the threadbare carpet. Amidst the screams and laughs, the band taking their places is hardly noticed.

RIFF-RAFF, COLUMBIA and EDDIE/DR. SCOTT, are the disguised USHERS and they approach the stage, as the lights dim. There is a scream and the curtains open to reveal an Usherette, sitting on a black square block in the centre of the stage, with the cinema screen behind her. She is covered with white gauze, lit only by the torch light from her ice-cream tray. The three USHERS move towards her.

usherette

They turn to the audience and yell : Glad you could COME tonight, as they remove the veil, a spotlight htis the USHERETTE and she stands to sing

cm

 

science

dtess

wwc

SCIENCE FICTION (AUDIO)

MICHAEL RENNIE WAS ILL,THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
BUT HE TOLD US WHERE WE STAND, AND FLASH GORDON WAS THERE
IN SILVER UNDERWEAR, CLAUDE RAINS WAS THE INVISIBLE MAN
THEN SOMETHING WENT WRONG FOR FAY WRAY AND KING KONG
THEY GOT CAUGHT IN A CELLULOID JAM
THEN AT A DEADLY PACE IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE
AND THIS IS HOW THE MESSAGE RAN.
(chorus)
USHERETTE ---- USHERS
SCIENCE FICTION – WAH, WAH, WAH
DOUBLE FEATURE – DOH, DOH, DOH
DR. X – OO, OO, OO
WILL BUILD A CREATURE, SEE ANDROIDS FIGHTING – OO, OO, OO
BRAD AND JANET, ANNE FRANCIS STARS IN – OO, OO
FORBIDDEN PLANET OH, OH, OH
OH, AT THE LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE PICTURE SHOW
I KNEW LEO G. CARROL WAS OVER A BARREL
WHEN TARANTULA TOOK TO THE HILLS
AND I REALLY GOT HOT, WHEN I SAW JEANETTE SCOTT
FIGHT A TRIFFID THAT SPITS POISON AND KILLS
DANA ANDREWS SAID PRUNES GAVE HIM THE RUNES
AND PASSING THEM USED LOTS OF SKILLS
AND WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE SAID GEORGE PAL TO HIS BRIDE
I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME TERRIBLE THRILLS
LIKE A –
(repeat chorus)
USHERETTE ---- USHERS
I WANNA GO – OH, OH
TO THE LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE PICTURE SHOW BY R K O - OH, OH
TO THE LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE PICTURE SHOW IN THE BACK ROW -- OH, OH
AT THE LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE PICTURE SHOW
(There is a Black-out.)

Usherette1
bandj

The piano plays the sound of wedding bells. BRAD and JANET, the latter carrying a bouquet, run on as the Lights come up. The three USHERS throw confetti over them then climb to the laboratory, or coke machine, to sing the word “Janet” etc. in the next song. BRAD and JANET are both breathless.

WEDDING DIALOGUE (AUDIO)

JANET
Oh, Brad, wasn’t it wonderful – didn’t Betty look radiantly beautiful. I can’t believe it – just an hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she’s Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt.
BRAD
Yes, Janet – Ralf’s a lucky guy.
JANET
Yes.
BRAD
Everyone knows Betty’s a wonderful little cook.
JANET
Yes.
BRAD
And Ralf himself will be in line for a promotion in a year or two.
JANET
Yes.
(BRAD takes the microphone.)


Damnit Janet (AUDIO)

bj

 

BRAD
(USHERS)

HEY, JANET, I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, I REALLY LOVED THE SKILFUL WAY YOU BEAT THE OTHER GIRLS TO THE BRIDE’S BOUQUET
THE RIVER WAS DEEP BUT I SWAM IT - JANET
THE FUTURE IS OURS SO LET’S PLAN IT - JANET
SO PLEASE DON’T TELL ME TO CAN IT - JANET
I’VE ONE THING TO SAY AND THAT’S... DAMN IT – JANET – I LOVE YOU.

THE ROAD WAS LONG BUT I RAN IT - JANET
THERE’S A FIRE IN MY HEART AND YOU FAN IT - JANET
IF THERE’S ONE FOOL FOR YOU THEN I AM IT - JANET
I’VE ONE THING TO SAY AND THAT’S DAMN IT – JANET – I LOVE YOU.
HERE’S A RING TO PROVE THAT I’M NO JOKER, THERE’S THREE WAYS THAT LOVE CAN GROW.- BONG BONG BONG BONG

THAT’S GOOD – BAD – OR MEDIOCRE, JANET - JANET – I LOVE YOU SO.
(JANET admires the ring, throws the bouquet into the wings and
grabs the microphone.)
JANET (singing)
OH IT’S NICER THAN BETTY MUNROE HAD- OH BRAD
NOW WE’RE ENGAGED AND I’M SO GLAD - OH BRAD
THAT YOU’VE MET MOM AND YOU KNOW DAD - OH BRAD

I’VE ONE THING TO SAY AND THAT’S... BRAD – I’M MAD – FOR YOU TOO.
OH BRAD
BRAD - OH DAMN IT JANET - I’M MAD
BRAD - OH JANET JANET - FOR YOU
BRAD (taking the microphone)
I LOVE YOU TOO – THERE’S ONE THING LEFT TO DO AND THAT’S GO SEE THE MAN THAT BEGAN IT - JANET
WHEN WE MET IN HIS SCIENCE EXAM IT - JANET
MADE ME GIVE YOU THE EYE AND THEN PANIC - JANET
NOW I’VE ONE THING TO SAY AND THAT’S... DAMN IT – JANET – I LOVE YOU.
DAMN IT JANET JANET - OH BRAD I’M MAD
BRAD - DAMN IT JANET JANET & BRAD (together) - I LOVE YOU.

 

 

ring

bjsinging

(There is a Black-out during which JANET and BRAD sit – one cheek each – on the black box. A spot picks up the NARRATOR who is by the red velvet curtains.)
narrator

NARRATOR (AUDIO)

I would like –
(He pauses and finds a huge dusty tome which he takes.)
– if I may – to take you on a strange journey.
(He reads.)
It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors, and his fiancée Janet Weiss... (two young ordinary healthy kids)... left Denton that late November evening to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott, ex science tutor and now friend to both of them... It’s true there were dark storm clouds, heavy – black and pendulous – toward which they were driving, it’s true also that the spare tyre they were carrying was badly in need of some air – but they being normal kids and on a night out – well – they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening. On a night out... It was a night out they were to remember for a very – long – time.
(There is a Black-out.)

A spotlight picks up BRAD and JANET (sitting on the box) miming a car journey. BRAD is“driving” with his left hand whilst his right hand is imitating a windscreen wiper. JANET’s left hand lies across her like a seat belt and her right arm is also imitating a windscreen wiper. The USHERS make the sound of the car and the blow-out when it comes, vocally. It is a stormy night and flashes of lightning are seen. The“car”stops.

light

 

BRAD - Hmmm...
JANET - What’s the matter, Brad darling?
BRAD - I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back there. We’d better go on ahead up the road and see if we can find our way back.
(JANET and BRAD move straight down C.S. and stop on the edge of the stage. There is a blow-out. They sway as if the brakes have been slammed on.) - Oh darn! Janet.
JANET - What was that bang?
BRAD (getting “out” of the car) - We seem to have a blow-out in the front left-hand tyre.
JANET - Oh... (There is a pause. Lightning is seen.)
BRAD - You’d better stay here and keep warm while I go for help.
JANET - But where will you go? We’re in the middle of nowhere.
BRAD - Didn’t we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use.
JANET (wrestling with her “seat-belt”) - I’m coming with you. (She gets “out.”)
(RIFF-RAFF makes his way to the ladder and climbs it.)
BRAD - There’s no point in both of us getting wet.
JANET - I’m coming with you. Besides, darling, the owner of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and then you may never come back.
BRAD - Ha, ha, ha.


(The USHERS take up the laughter.)

(JANET picks up the microphone.)

OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE (AUDIO)

JANET
(singing)
light


IN THE VELVET DARKNESS OF THE BLACKEST NIGHT, BURNING BRIGHT – THERE’S A GUIDING STAR, NO MATTER WHAT OR WHO YOU ARE.

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT

ALL- OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT

ALL- BURNING IN THE FIREPLACE

JANET - THERE’S A LIGHT... LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS OF EVERYBODY’S LIFE. (BRAD climbs a ladder half-way to the laboratory.)

BRAD (pointing) - I CAN SEE THE FLAG FLY, I CAN SEE THE RAIN, JUST THE SAME, THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING BETTER HERE – FOR YOU AND ME.

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT (BRAD climbs down.)

ALL - OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE (BRAD and JANET go to each other.)

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT

ALL- BURNING IN THE FIREPLACE

BRAD - THERE’S A LIGHT... LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS OF EVERYBODY’S LIFE.

(The light comes up on RIFF-RAFF behind the screen. The sound of his voice causes BRAD and JANET to run to the sides of the stage.)

RIFF-RAFF - THE DARKNESS MUST GO DOWN THE RIVER OF NIGHTS DREAMING, FLOW MORPHIA SLOW LET THE SUN AND LIGHT COME STREAMING INTO MY LIFE
INTO MY LIFE.
(The light fades on RIFF-RAFF. JANET and BRAD go to each other.)

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT

ALL - OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT

ALL- BURNING IN THE FIREPLACE

BRAD & JANET (together) - THERE’S A LIGHT... LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS OF EVERYBODY’S LIFE.

(Lightning is seen. JANET screams.) (AUDIO)
BRAD - It’s all right, Janet.
JANET - Oh, Brad, let’s go back. I’m cold and I’m frightened.
BRAD - Just a moment, Janet, they may have a telephone. (BRAD pulls a cord by the red velvets as though it is a bell-pull. He turns to JANET and the bell rings behind his back. After some time the “door” (curtain) opens far right.)
RIFF-RAFF (looking past them as if for others, or someone else) - Hello.
BRAD - Oh... Uh... Ahh... Hi there, we’re in a bit of a spot, I wonder could you help us – our car is broken down about two miles back – do you have a telephone we might use...
RIFF-RAFF (after a pause) - You’re wet.
JANET - Yes – the rain has been very heavy.
BRAD - Yes.
RIFF-RAFF - Yes. (Lightning is seen.) I think you better both come inside.
JANET - You’re too kind.
(BRAD and JANET go in, around the back of the screen to the other side of the stage. RIFF-RAFF smiles and exits after them. There is a Black-out. The spotlight comes up on the NARRATOR.)

 

rr rrf

NARRATOR -

And so, after braving the inclement weather, and some not too little time – it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance their plight required. Or had they? There was certainly something about this house (to which, a flat tyre and a wet night had brought them) that made the both of them feel apprehensive and uneasy. But, if they were to reach their destination that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and take advantage of whatever help was offered.

narrator
RIFF-RAFF leads BRAD and JANET on from the left. They look around. RIFF-RAFF walks to the other side of the stage, stops and turns.
  RIFF-RAFF - Wait here.
(RIFF-RAFF exits to the right))
JANET (looking around) - Oh, Brad, what sort of a place is this – I’m frightened.
BRAD - It’s probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich weirdoes – but you’re shivering.
JANET - Yes I’m wet.
BRAD (crossing to the box) - Look, feel this – there’s hot air coming from this grill in the wall. Take off your sweater and dry it here. I’ll keep a look out for the undertaker.
JANET - Oh!
BRAD - For God’s sake keep a grip on yourself Janet. I’m here – there’s nothing to worry about. (JANET smiles.) Here, dry my coat too.

JANET - OK.
(RIFF-RAFF, COLUMBIA and MAGENTA enter.) Agghhhh!!!
BRAD - It’s all right, Janet.

RIFF-RAFF, COLUMBIA & MAGENTA (together, loudly) - Master!

A loud bang is heard from the back of the cinema, as a rear door is flung open and a cloaked figure struts onto the catwalk.

cloaked

SWEET TRANSVESTITE (aUDIO)

FRANK sings -

HOW DO YOU DO
I SEE YOU’VE MET MY FAITHFUL HANDYMAN
HE’S A LITTLE BROUGHT DOWN
BECAUSE WHEN YOU KNOCKED
HE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CANDYMAN
DON’T GET STRUNG OUT BY THE WAY THAT I LOOK

(FRANK crosses to BRAD and JANET.)
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER
I’M NOT MUCH OF A MAN
BY THE LIGHT OF DAY
BUT BY NIGHT I’M ONE HELL OF A LOVER

(FRANK drops his cloak. RIFF-RAFF takes it and throws it into
the wings.)

caped
reveal pose

 

I’M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA
LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND, MAYBE PLAY YOU A SOUND
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE BOTH PRETTY GROOVY
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VISUAL THAT’S NOT TOO ABYSMAL
WE COULD TAKE IN AN OLD STEVE REEVES MOVIE

BRAD
(coming forward nervously)
GLAD WE CAUGHT YOU AT HOME
COULD WE USE YOUR PHONE
WE’RE BOTH IN A BIT OF A HURRY
WE’LL JUST SAY WHERE WE ARE
THEN GO BACK TO THE CAR,
WE DON’T WANT TO BE ANY WORRY.
(FRANK bellows his next verse sending BRAD reeling backwards.) FRANK - YOU GOT CAUGHT WITH A FLAT, WELL HOW ABOUT THAT
WELL BABIES DON’T YOU PANIC BY THE LIGHT OF THE NIGHT
IT’LL ALL SEEM ALL RIGHT, I’LL GET YOU A SATANIC MECHANIC.
I’M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA
trans londonf

WHY DON’T CHA STAY FOR THE NIGHT
(The Servants echo “night”.)
OR MAYBE A BITE
(The Servants echo “bite”.)
I COULD SHOW YOU MY FAVOURITE OBSESSION
I’VE BEEN MAKING A MAN
WITH BLOND HAIR AND A TAN
AND HE’S GOOD FOR RELIEVING MY TENSION.
I’M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA
I’M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA
SO COME UP TO THE LAB

(He goes to the ladder to the lab.)
AND SEE WHAT’S ON THE SLAB
(He climbs the ladder.)
I SEE YOU SHIVER WITH ANTICIPATION
BUT MAYBE THE RAIN
IS REALLY TO BLAME
SO I’LL REMOVE THE CAUSE BUT NOT THE SYMPTOM

 

ladder

Frank exits behind the Laboratory curtain.

The Servants start to undress BRAD and JANET, RIFF-RAFF attending to BRAD and the girls to JANET. BRAD and JANET are reduced to their 1950s underwear. (AUDIO)

BRAD (aside to JANET) - It’s all right, Janet, everything’s gonna be all right. We’ll just play along for now – and we’ll pull out the aces when the time is right.
JANET - This is no time for card tricks. Brad, are you sure we’ll be all right?
BRAD - I’m sure, Janet.
served
serve

(to COLUMBIA, MAGENTA and RIFF-RAFF) Uh. Hi, there – I’m Brad Majors, this is Janet Weiss (He pronounces it “Vice.”) – my fiancée. You are...

COLUMBIA - You’re very lucky to be invited up to Frank’s laboratory, a lot of people would give their right arm for the privilege.

BRAD - People like you maybe.


COLUMBIA - I’ve seen it.

 

JANET - Is he... is Frank... your husband?
RIFF-RAFF - The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever will be – we are simply his servants.
JANET - Then he’s very lucky.
MAGENTA - Yeah – you’re lucky – I’m lucky – he’s lucky – we’re all lucky...
COLUMBIA - All except Eddie.
RIFF-RAFF - SSHHH!!!
(He crosses to COLUMBIA with his arm raised.)
JANET - Eddie?
MAGENTA - The delivery boy.
RIFF-RAFF - SSHHH!!!
(He shakes his fist.)
COLUMBIA - His delivery wasn’t good enough.
RIFF-RAFF (crossing to BRAD) - The master only wanted to help the boy better his position.
BRAD - That’s very commendable.
(BRAD slaps RIFF-RAFF on the back – dust flies. RIFF-RAFF hides
his black anger.)

 

undies

 

 

RIFF-RAFF
Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went...
JANET
Where?
RIFF-RAFF
To pieces.

THE TIME WARP(AUDIO)

 

 

twa

 

 

 

 

sign

 

 

 

bw sign

 

RIFF-RAFF
(taking the microphone)
IT’S ASTOUNDING – TIME IS FLEETING
MADNESS TAKES ITS TOLL
BUT LISTEN CLOSELY – NOT FOR VERY MUCH LONGER
I’VE GOT TO KEEP CONTROL.
I REMEMBER DOING THE TIME WARP
DRINKING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN
THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME – AND THE VOID WOULD
BE CALLING

RIFF-RAFF, MAGENTA & COLUMBIA
(together)
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

(RIFF-RAFF puts the microphone down, or hands it to the
NARRATOR.)
(chorus)
NARRATOR
(becoming Mr. Bassman)
IT’S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT
ALL
AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT
NARRATOR
WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS
ALL
YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT
TRIO
BUT IT’S THE PELVIC THRUST
THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE

ALL
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

MAGENTA
(taking the microphone)
IT’S SO DREAMY – OH FANTASY FREE ME
SO YOU CAN’T SEE ME – NO NOT AT ALL
IN ANOTHER DIMENSION – WITH VOYEURISTIC INTENTION
WELL SECLUDED – I’LL SEE ALL
WITH A BIT OF A MIND FLIP – YOU’RE THERE IN THE
TIME SLIP
NOTHING CAN EVER BE THE SAME
YOU’RE SPACED OUT ON SENSATION
LIKE YOU’RE UNDER SEDATION

ALL
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

(MAGENTA gives the microphone to COLUMBIA then MAGENTA and RIFF-
RAFF make an extraterrestrial sign to each other.)
COLUMBIA
WELL I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET
JUST HAVING A THINK
WHEN A SNAKE OF A GUY GAVE ME AN EVIL WINK
WELL IT SHOOK ME UP, IT TOOK ME BY SURPRISE
HE HAD A PICK-UP TRUCK AND THE DEVIL’S EYES
OH – HE STARED AT ME AND I FELT A CHANGE
TIME MEANT NOTHING – NEVER WOULD AGAIN

ALL
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

(Repeat Chorus. COLUMBIA dances to a half verse of the Song as
sung by the other two. RIFF-RAFF drags her back to her place for
another Chorus.)
ALL
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

(Repeat Chorus. There is a Black-out. COLUMBIA, RIFF-RAFF and
MAGENTA exit, leaving BRAD and JANET alone in the dark.)

The Lights come up as FRANK
appears, dressed in a green
surgical coat and pulling on
surgical rubber gloves. (AUDIO)
green

gown

 

FRANK
Unlock a mind – unmind a lock – it’s the same as the beginning of the end – do you follow?

JANET
No.
BRAD
It’s an anagram, Janet.
FRANK (wincing at Brad's stupidity) - I wonder may I offer you something refreshing.

BRAD & JANET (together)
No.
FRANK
No. You’re right, I won’t!

How delightful to have fresh faces around to entertain – er?

meet

BRAD - Brad Majors.
FRANK (shaking BRAD’s hand) - Brad Majors.
BRAD - And this is my fiancée, Janet Vice.
JANET - Weiss.
BRAD - Weiss.
FRANK (kissing JANET’s hand and looking repulsed) - Enchanté. How nice - and what charming underclothes you both have – but here, put these on. (A hand holds out two white coats L. FRANK gives the coats to JANET and BRAD.) It’ll make you feel less vulnerable. We don’t often receive visitors here, let alone show them hospitality...

BRAD (shouting) - Hospitality! All we wanted was to use your phone, a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore.
JANET (whispering loudly) - Don’t be ungrateful, Brad.
BRAD (shouting) - Ungrateful!!
FRANK (flicking BRAD with a rubber glove) - How forceful you are, Brad, what a perfect example of manhood – so dominant. You must be very proud of him, Janet.
JANET - Yes.
FRANK - Tell me, Brad, do you have any tattoos?
BRAD (aggressive) - Certainly not.
FRANK - Oh well... (to JANET) - How about you?

(RIFF-RAFF pokes his head round the curtain in the laboratory.
He is wearing a green surgical hat and we later see he is also
wearing a surgical gown.)
RIFF-RAFF
Everything is in readiness master, we merely wait for you to give the word.
(MAGENTA and COLUMBIA come on stage.)

 

FRANK - Tonight, Brad and Janet, Paradise is to be mine...
JANET - Oh how wonderful for you.
FRANK - It was strange the way it happened – one of those quirks of fate really – one of those moments when... Everything looks black, the chips are down... Your back is against the wall. (He backs up to the screen.) You panic – you’re trapped – there’s no way out and even if there was it would probably be a one-way ticket to the bottom of the bay. And then suddenly you get a break – all the pieces seem to fit into place – what a sucker you’d been – what a fool – the answer was there all the time – it took a small accident to make it happen. (Everyone looks at FRANK in blank amazement.) An accident
MAGENTA & COLUMBIA (together) - Accident.
FRANKthat’s how I discovered the secret – that elusive ingredient – that spark that is the breath of life. Yes – I have that knowledge, I hold the key to life itself. You see, Brad and Janet, you are fortunate for tonight is the night my beautiful creature is destined to be born... (to RIFF-RAFF) Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator and then step up the reactor power input... three more points...

(FRANK climbs to the laboratory. RIFF-RAFF pulls back the
curtains to reveal ROCKY lying like “The Mummy” on the Coca-Cola fridge. Lights flash and the band plays an uneasy chord that grows
and grows. ROCKY sits up, then stands up. RIFF-RAFF and FRANK
tear his bandages off.)

birth

made

JANET - Brad!
BRAD - It’s all right, Janet.
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES (AUDIO)
(ROCKY grabs a microphone and sings.)
ROCKY - THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES IS HANGING OVER MY HEAD AND I’VE GOT THE FEELING SOMEONE’S GOING TO BE CUTTING THE THREAD
(FRANK is thrilled; ROCKY is terrified.) OH WOE IS ME – MY LIFE IS A MISERY, OH CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M AT THE START OF A PRETTY BIG DOWNER
(ROCKY dances away from FRANK who chases him throughout the song.) I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH A START WHEN I FELL OUT OF THE BED
ALL - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - AND LEFT FROM MY DREAMING WAS A FEELING OF UNNAMABLE DREAD
ALL - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - MY HIGH IS LOW – I’M DRESSED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO AND ALL I KNOW IS I’M AT THE START OF A PRETTY BIG DOWNER
ALL - SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, OH NO, NO, NO, THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, OH, NO, NO, NO.
ALL - SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
(The NARRATOR takes the microphone.)
NARRATOR (spoken) - Rocky Horror, you need peace of mind, I wanna tell you that you’re doing just fine. You’re the product of another time and So feeling low, well that’s no crime
ALL - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
(The NARRATOR gives ROCKY the microphone.)
ROCKY - THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES IS HANGING OVER MY HEAD
ALL - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - AND I’VE GOT THE FEELING SOMEONE’S GOING TO BE CUTTING THE THREAD
ALL - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - OH WOE IS ME – MY LIFE IS A MYSTERY (The box is moved D.R.) OH CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M AT THE START OF A PRETTY BIG DOWNER
ALL - SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, OH, NO, NO, NO. THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, OH, NO, NO, NO. THAT AIN’T NO CRIME, OH, NO, NO, NO.
ALL - SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - OH, NO, NO, NO.
ALL - SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - OH, NO, NO, NO.
ALL - SHA LA LA LA THAT AIN’T NO CRIME
ROCKY - OH, NO, NO, NO
ALL - SHA LA LA. (ROCKY jumps on the box and shows his biceps.)
FRANK Well really – that’s no way to behave on your first day out!

milford

(The NARRATOR holds up a mirror to ROCKY.) (AUDIO)
ROCKY - Well nobody’s perfect. But I do think you made a pretty good job of the body work.
FRANK - You are the result of many hours of toil – and now my beautiful creature you’re ready for the ultimate test.
ROCKY - Oh dear.
FRANK - But first meet the family. Magenta – Rocky.
MAGENTA - Hello, Rocky.
ROCKY - Hello, Magenta.
FRANK - Riff-Raff – Rocky.
RIFF-RAFF - Hello, Rocky.
ROCKY - Hello, Riff-Raff.
FRANK - Columbia – Rocky.
(COLUMBIA is a little too friendly with ROCKY for FRANK’s liking.)
COLUMBIA - Hello, Rocky.
ROCKY - Hello, Columbia.
FRANK (scowling at COLUMBIA) - Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think?
JANET - I don’t like men with too many muscles.

FRANK - I didn’t make him for you. He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.
(He takes the microphone and smiles at the Audience.)

 

7 daysfrank rocky

 

 

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bed 2

bed1

lips

brafra

CHARLES ATLAS SONG (AUDIO)
FRANK (singing) - A WEAKLING WEIGHING NINETY-EIGHT POUNDS
GOT SAND IN HIS FACE WHEN KICKED TO THE GROUND
HIS GIRL SPLIT ON HIM, SO SOON IN THE GYM
THE SWEAT FROM HIS PORES AS HE WORKED FOR HIS CAUSE
MADE HIM GLISTEN AND GLEAM AND WITH MASSAGE AND STEAM
HE WAS THIN BUT QUITE CLEAN, HE WAS IN GOOD SHAPE

ALL - BUT THE WRONG SHAPE
FRANK - HE ATE NUTRITIOUS HIGH-PROTEIN AND SWALLOWED RAW EGGS
(ROCKY does whatever gymnastic magic he can.)
TRIED TO BUILD UP HIS SHOULDERS, HIS CHEST, ARMS AND LEGS
THEN A MAGAZINE ADVERT WITH A NEW MUSCLE PLAN (Said)

ALL - IN JUST SEVEN DAYS I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN.
FRANK - HE’D DONE PRESS-UPS AND CHIN-UPS, CLEAN AND JERKED, DONE THE SNATCH
THOUGHT DYNAMIC TENSION MUST BE A CATCH, SO HE RE-READ THE ADVERT TO SEE HOW IT RAN. IT SAID

ALL - IN JUST SEVEN DAYS I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN.
(The drums roll and the light comes on to the coke machine.
COLUMBIA rushes to open the machine.)
COLUMBIA - Eddie!

awakens
(The cast freeze in an animated tableau. EDDIE appears from the
machine. He is battered and shows the occasional seam. He is
wearing extremely thick crêpe-soled shoes, black drainpipes (skin
tight), drape coat or leather jacket. He has a hint of
Frankenstein’s monster. He grabs a microphone from COLUMBIA, who
clearly adores him.)
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT (AUDIO)
EDDIE
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT
WHEN YOU DRESSED UP SHARP AND YOU FELT ALL RIGHT
IT DON’T SEEM THE SAME SINCE COSMIC LIGHT
CAME INTO MY LIFE AND I THOUGHT I WAS DIVINE
I USED TO GO FOR A RIDE WITH A CHICK WHO’D GO
LISTEN TO THE MUSIC ON THE RADIO
A SAXOPHONE WAS BLOWING ON THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL SHOW
AND YOU CLIMBED IN THE BACK AND YOU REALLY HAD
A GOOD TIME

(The tableau comes alive and they all jive.)
ALL
HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL
I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

(repeat four times)
(They freeze again.)
EDDIE
MY HEAD USED TO SWIM FROM THE PERFUME I SMELT
MY HANDS KIND OF FUMBLED WITH HER WHITE PLASTIC BELT
I’D TASTE HER BABY PINK LIPSTICK AND THAT’S WHEN I’D MELT
AND SHE’D WHISPER IN MY EAR TONIGHT SHE REALLY WAS MINE
GET BACK IN FRONT AND PUT SOME HAIR OIL ON
BUDDY HOLLY WAS SINGING HIS VERY LAST SONG
WITH YOUR ARM ROUND YOUR GIRL YOU’D TRY TO SING ALONG
YOU FELT PRETTY GOOD ‘CAUSE YOU’D REALLY HAD
A GOOD TIME

(Everyone comes alive again. FRANK takes off his green coat.)
ALL
HOT PATOOTIE, BLESS MY SOUL
I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK ‘N’ ROLL

(repeat eight times)
(FRANK chases EDDIE back to the coke machine and stabs him to death with the microphone stand. He stuffs EDDIE back in the machine, slams the lid shut and sits on it.)
FRANK (after a pause) - One from the vaults.
ROCKY - How can you keep him around, he’s so ugly.
FRANK - A certain naïve charm, but no muscle. We had a mental relationship
CHARLES ATLAS SONG (reprise) (AUDIO)
FRANK (singing)
BUT A DELTOID AND A BICEP
A HOT GROIN AND A TRICEP
MAKES ME WANNA SHAKE
MAKES ME WANNA TAKE
CHARLES ATLAS BY THE HAND.
ALL
IN JUST SEVEN DAYS I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN.
FRANK
I DON’T WANT NO DISSENSION
JUST DYNAMIC TENSION

JANET
I’M A MUSCLE FAN.
(She throws herself at ROCKY.)
ALL
IN JUST SEVEN DAYS I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN.
FRANK
DIG IT IF YOU CAN.
(He throws JANET back at BRAD.)
ALL
IN JUST SEVEN DAYS I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN.
(FRANK and ROCKY exit like newly-weds. There is a Black-out.
Everyone exits except the NARRATOR. A spotlight picks up the NARRATOR.)

 

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NARRATOR (AUDIO)
There are those who say that life is an illusion – and reality as we know it, is merely a figment of our imaginations. If this is so, Brad and Janet are quite safe. But – there are some who have a far more physical philosophy – those who would stop at nothing to satisfy their base desires – it could be that Brad and Janet are among those who hold the devil’s reins.
(Black-out)

We are in “JANET’s Room”. The voices we hear in the Black-out we take to be those of JANET and BRAD.
JANET - Oh, Brad – Oh yes – Yes, my darling. What if...
(A Light comes up revealing, in silhouette, a man lying on top of a woman.)
“BRAD” - It’s all right, Janet – everything’s going to be all right.
JANET - Oh, I hope so, my darling. I’m so fri... ( the short men's wig comes off ) You!
(The man kneels up, showing that it is FRANK and not BRAD.)
FRANK - I’m afraid so, Janet, but wasn’t it nice...
JANET - You beast – you monster – what have you done with Brad?
FRANK - Mmm – nothing – why, do you think I should?
JANET - You tricked me – I wouldn’t have – I’ve never – never.
FRANK - I know – but it wasn’t all bad was it? Not really even half bad – in fact, I think perhaps you found it quite – pleasurable. Mmm – so soft, so – sensual.
JANET - Ahh – no – stop – I mean help – I – Brad – Ohhh – Brad.
FRANK - Shhh. Brad’s probably asleep by now – do you want him to see you like this?
JANET - Like this? Like how? It’s your fault. You’re to blame... I was – saving myself.
FRANK - Well I’m sure you’re not spent yet and it was an enjoyable experience was it not?
(The Lights dim.)
You did like it didn’t you? There’s no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure – is there? We could try for an action replay. Oh, Janet, you’ve wasted so much time already – Brad needn’t know. I won’t tell him. Mmmm.
(There is a Black-out.)
JANET - Are you sure you won’t tell him. Ohhh...
We are in “BRAD’s Room”. The voices we hear in the Black-out we take to be those of BRAD and JANET.
“JANET” - Oh, Brad – Oh yes, – Yes, my darling.
(A Light comes up revealing, in silhouette, a man lying on top of a “woman”.)
BRAD - It’s all right, Janet, everything’s going to be all right.
“JANET” - I hope so, my darling. (the long wig comes off)
BRAD - You!
FRANK (from underneath BRAD) - I’m afraid so, Brad, but wasn’t it nice?
BRAD - Why you – What have you done with Janet?
FRANK - Mmm – nothing – why, do you think I should?
BRAD - You tricked me, I wouldn’t have – I’ve never – never.
FRANK - I know – but it wasn’t all bad was it? Not really even half bad, in fact, I think you found it quite pleasurable – Oh so soft – so sensual.
BRAD - Ah. No – stop, I mean – Janet – Ohh, Janet.
FRANK - Shhh – Janet’s probably asleep by now – do you want her to see you like this?
BRAD - Like this? Like how? It’s your fault. You’re to blame – I thought it was the real thing.
FRANK - Oh, come on, Brad, admit it. It was enjoyable, wasn’t it? You liked it didn’t you? There’s no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure – is there?
(The Lights dim.)
We could try for an action replay. Oh, Brad, you’ve wasted so much time already – Janet needn’t know. I won’t tell her – Mmm...
(There is a Black-out.)
BRAD - Are you sure you won’t tell her – Ohhh...
RIFF-RAFF’S VOICE (on the microphone) - Master. The laboratory is empty. Rocky has vanished – the new playmate is loose and somewhere in the building.
FRANK - Oh – Wow – What a – Mmm – Oh – Coming.


The Lights come up on the laboratory. JANET enters the stage area.
JANET - What’s happening here? Where’s Brad? Where’s anybody? If only we hadn’t made this journey – if only the car hadn’t broken down – if only we were among friends or sane persons.

(The NARRATOR enters.)
NARRATOR - “If” and “only” – two small words – words that kept repeating themselves again and again in Janet’s thoughts. But it was too late to go back now. It was as if she were riding a giant tidal wave, it would be folly to fight against it – her only choice would be to ride it out – adapt – and perhaps also – survive.
(JANET wanders towards the laboratory. The curtain is pulled back by ROCKY. They both jump.)
ROCKY - Oh! It’s you. Look, I’m trying to hide from my creator and his minion – they scare me. I feel that all is not well here. I have been thinking a lot about – Eddie. I have a feeling of foreboding.
JANET - It’s all like some terrible dream.
ROCKY - Is it true you don’t like men with too many muscles?
JANET - Well...

ROCKY - Have you got any lip gloss?
JANET (trying to work it out) - I’m engaged to Brad, just the same as Betty Munroe was to Ralf Hapshatt. But Frank’s kisses overwhelmed me with an ecstasy I had never dreamed of before – hot, burning kisses. I could see Brad’s face before me, and my mind screamed – No!! But my lips were hungry, too hungry – I wanted to be loved, and loved completely.
(She gets excited.)
Oh, Brad, Brad, my darling, how could I have done this to you.

ROCKY
This room is a womb to me.
JANET
Yes – there you see, it’s instinctive. You returned here for one thing – security. Oh, where’s Brad
(She fiddles with the TV monitor. The TV monitor can be a pretend remote switch which seems to throw slides on the gauze screen. Or it can be an old TV set under a ladder or hung over the Audience so that they can see it, but not its screen.)
What have they done with him?
NARRATOR - Janet’s feelings ran wild as she frantically manipulated the selector switch on the TV monitor. The screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors. Finally she stopped – at Frank’s bedroom. (She sees FRANK kissing BRAD.)

JANET - Aaahhh!!
ROCKY - Oh, you can’t rely on anyone.
JANET - Oh, Brad! How could you?
NARRATOR - If one is suffering the pangs of remorse for a sexual indiscretion – it would seem logical that the transgressor would be sympathetic toward a loved one caught committing a similar misdemeanor. But emotion is an irrational and powerful master – and from what Janet witnessed on the monitor – there seemed little doubt that she was indeed its slave.

(COLUMBIA and MAGENTA enter with glasses of champagne and sit on the coke machine, sipping their drinks.)
COLUMBIA & MAGENTA (together) - Tell us about it, Janet. (They laugh.)
TOUCH A TOUCH ME (AUDIO)
JANET (taking the microphone) - I WAS FEELING DONE IN
COULDN’T WIN
I’D ONLY EVER KISSED BEFORE
I THOUGHT THERE’S NO USE GETTING
INTO HEAVY PETTING
IT ONLY LEADS TO TROUBLE
AND SEAT WETTING.
NOW ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS HOW TO GO
I’VE TASTED BLOOD AND I WANT MORE

ROCKY (speaking) More, more.
JANET (singing) - I’LL PUT UP NO RESISTANCE
I WANT TO STAY THE DISTANCE
I’VE GOT AN ITCH TO SCRATCH
AND I NEED ASSISTANCE.

CHORUS & JANET - TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A – TOUCH ME
I WANT TO BE DIRTY
THRILL ME, CHILL ME, FULFIL ME
CREATURE OF THE NIGHT.

JANET - THEN IF ANYTHING GROWS
WHEN YOU POSE
I’LL OIL YOU UP AND RUB YOU DOWN

ROCKY (speaking) Down, down.
JANET (singing) AND THAT’S JUST ONE SMALL FRACTION
OF THE MAIN ATTRACTION
YOU NEED A FRIENDLY HAND
AND I NEED ACTION.

(JANET and ROCKY climb to the laboratory and on to the bed.
Repeats. Chorus repeat. After JANET has sung the chorus at
least once by herself, ROCKY comes in with “Hot patootie, bless
my soul; I really love that rock ‘n’ roll,”
and sings it against
“Touch-a touch-a”. ROCKY pulls the curtains across.

There is a Black-out.)

colmag

The Lights come up on the stage as FRANK is chasing RIFF-RAFF, and whipping him. FRANK has a rocker’s
leather jacket on over his fishnets. BRAD follows and the NARRATOR is already on stage.
(AUDIO)
RIFF-RAFF - Aaagghhh – mercy!
FRANK (whipping him) - How did it happen. I understood you were to be watching.
RIFF-RAFF - I was only away for a moment.
FRANK- See if you can find him on the monitor.
(RIFF-RAFF switches the monitor on and searches for ROCKY.)
RIFF-RAFF - I’ve located him in the female’s quarters, Master.
FRANK - Rocky!
(He is about to faint, but sees that no-one is around to catch him. FRANK composes himself, calls RIFF-RAFF over, and faints
into his arms, RIFF-RAFF catching him just in time.)
BRAD - Janet!! How could she. That’s it – it’s over.
NARRATOR - Over! What was over? Not the night that was certain. Brad and Janet’s engagement? Their love for one another? Who could say – for questions such as these are not to be answered by the academic, they must be left for the heart to solve and Brad, you may be sure, had plenty of heart.
(BRAD takes the microphone and sings as though he is Gene Pitney.)

ONCE IN A WHILE (audio)

BRAD - ONCE IN A WHILE
SHE DON’T WANT TO CALL YOU
SPEAKING ON THE TELEPHONE
AND ONCE IN YOUR LIFE
SHE WON’T WANT TO KNOW YOU
YOU LOOK AROUND
THE ONE YOU FOUND SHE IS GONE

(falling to his knees)
AND THAT’S ALL THE TIME
THAT IT TAKES
FOR A HEART TO TURN TO STONE
THE SWEETER THE WINE
THE HARDER TO MAKE THE BREAK
YOU HEAR SOMETHING
ABOUT SOMEONE YOU THOUGHT YOU’D KNOWN

(JANET, unseen, sings the next five lines in harmony.)
SO, BABY, DON’T CRY
LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
AFTER THE NIGHT THERE’S BRAND NEW DAY
AND THERE’LL BE NO PAIN
AND NO MORE SORROW

BRAD (solo)
SO WASH YOUR FACE
AND PHONE MY PLACE, IT’LL BE OKAY.

(BRAD stands and sings the next verse with JANET, still unseen,
harmonizing.)
AND THAT’S ALL THE TIME
THAT IT TAKES
FOR A HEART TO BEAT AGAIN
SO GIVE ME A SIGN
THAT A LOVER MAKES
YOU LOOK AROUND THE ONE
FOUND IS BACK AGAIN...

SCOTTY'S ARRIVAL (AUDIO)

FRANK (jumping to his feet) - How maudlin, how pathetic. Your baggage has dared to defile my beautiful creature – oh, Rocky, how could you.
(Static is heard from the monitor. Someone outside is creeping up on the hidden camera.)
RIFF-RAFF - Master – we have a visitor.
BRAD - Great Scott – Scotty – Dr. Evrett Scott.
RIFF-RAFF - You know this earth – this person?
BRAD - Yes, I do, he’s an old friend of mine.
FRANK (turning on BRAD) - I see – so this wasn’t simply a chance meeting – you came here with a purpose.
BRAD - That’s not true – my car broke down – I told you.
FRANK - I know what you told me, Brad – but this Dr. Evrett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.
BRAD - He was a science teacher at Denton High.
FRANK - And he now works for your Government – doesn’t he, Brad? He’s attached to the bureau of the investigation of that which you call UFOs – that’s right, isn’t it, Brad?
BRAD - He might be – I don’t know.
(A figure in a wheelchair crosses US., from R. to L. No-one sees him.)
RIFF-RAFF - The intruder is entering the building, Master.
FRANK - Ah he’s in the Zen room. Seal off all exits – and all doors – except for those that lead here. Riff-Raff – bring Rocky and Janet here. I think we should make this a social occasion. The three unexpected guests shall entertain us with a floor show – which I shall direct.
(RIFF-RAFF exits.) DR. SCOTT, in a wheelchair pushed by COLUMBIA, enters L. RIFF-RAFF enters the laboratory and MAGENTA comes on stage.

russ

COLUMBIA - Hi – Ho – Silver.
BRAD - Dr. Scott!
SCOTTY - Brad – what are you doing here?
FRANK - Don’t play games, Dr. Scott. It was part of your plan, was it not, that Brad Majors and his female should check the layout for you. Unfortunately for you all there is to be a change of plans. I’m sure you’re adaptable, Dr. Scott – I know Brad is.
SCOTTY - I can assure you that Brad’s presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. As does the set up you have here. I didn’t expect it to be quite so...
FRANK - Sophisticated, Dr. Scott? Or should I say Dr. Von Scott?
BRAD - What exactly are you implying?
SCOTTY - That’s all right, Brad... Ah – this machine here... (He examines the coke machine and takes a flash photo of it.)
BRAD - What do you think it is, Doc?
SCOTTY - At this precise moment it’s hard to tell – but it seems to be made of a metal that is not of this earth. I would say that it was from another planet.
(JANET and ROCKY run on from L.)
JANET - Dr. Scott!
SCOTTY - Janet!
FRANK - Rocky!
ROCKY (pushing FRANK away) - Piss off.
FRANK - Listen – I made you and I can break you just as easily. I’ll pull your plug out.
SCOTTY - I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with Eddie.
COLUMBIA - Eddie!
MAGENTA & RIFF-RAFF (together) - Sshhhh.
BRAD - Eddie – I’ve seen him, he looks terrible.
FRANK - What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?
SCOTTY - I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things – you see Eddie happens to be my nephew.
BRAD - Dr. Scott!
SCOTTY - Yes, Brad – my sister’s boy. I know he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined – aliens.
BRAD (getting the microphone) - Tell them, Doc.
(They group around DR. SCOTT, BRAD handing him the microphone.)

eddie's
EDDIE’S TEDDY (AUDIO)
SCOTTY
FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE WAS TROUBLE
HE WAS THE THORN IN HIS MOTHER’S SIDE.
SHE TRIED IN VAIN,

NARRATOR
BUT HE NEVER CAUSED HER NOTHING BUT SHAME.
SCOTTY
HE LEFT HOME THE DAY SHE DIED.
FROM THE DAY SHE WAS GONE
ALL HE WANTED
WAS ROCK ‘N’ ROLL, PORN AND A MOTOR BIKE.
SHOOTIN’ UP JUNK,

NARRATOR
HE WAS A LOW DOWN CHEAP LITTLE PUNK.
SCOTTY
TAKING EVERYONE FOR A RIDE.
(chorus)
ALL
WHEN EDDIE SAID HE DIDN’T LIKE HIS TEDDY,
YOU KNEW HE WAS A NO GOOD KID.
BUT WHEN HE THREATENED YOUR LIFE WITH A
SWITCH BLADE KNIFE.

FRANK
WHAT A GUY.
JANET
MAKES YOU CRY.
SCOTTY
AND I DID.
COLUMBIA
(up a ladder)
EVERYBODY SHOVED HIM.
I VERY NEARLY LOVED HIM.
I SAID HEY LISTEN TO ME,
STAY SANE INSIDE INSANITY,
BUT HE LOCKED THE DOOR AND THREW AWAY THE KEY.

SCOTTY
BUT HE MUST HAVE BEEN DRAWN INTO SOMETHING.
MAKING HIM WARN ME IN A NOTE WHICH READS

(He pulls out a blood-stained note.)
ALL
(looking at the note; speaking)
What’s it say? What’s it say?
SCOTTY
(singing)
I’M OUT OF MY HEAD.
NARRATOR
HURRY OR I MAY BE DEAD.
SCOTTY
THEY MUSTN’T CARRY OUT THEIR EVIL DEEDS.
(The chorus is repeated twice.)
FRANK
WHAT A GUY,
JANET
MAKES YOU CRY,
SCOTTY - AND I DID – WOAH WOAH WOAH

teddy
(It repeats to which we add Hey-Hey-Hey – It is sung a 3rd time
and finished with everyone singing “Eddie”.)
FRANK (running to the coke machine) - Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him. (AUDIO)
(He pulls out a bag of blood and gore.)

cokecoke 2
His destiny is in the bag.
MAGENTA - I’ll put him down the waste disposal.
FRANK - Clever girl.
(He throws the bag to MAGENTA. MAGENTA exits with the bag.)
BRAD - Why you...
FRANK (flicking a switch) - There, that should restrain you all.
(Three pools of light fall on the stage, one each on BRAD, JANET and SCOTTY.)
JANET - My feet – there’s something wrong with my feet.
SCOTTY - My wheels! My God, I can’t move my wheels.
BRAD - It’s as if we were glued to the spot.

frozen
FRANK - You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools. OK, it’s startime. Riff-Raff, set the sonic transducer on programme eight. Secure all levels at zero –
(The music starts.)
MAGENTA - Relax.
SCOTTY - You won’t find earth people quite the easy mark that you imagine – this sonic transducer! It is, I suppose, some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular transport device!
FRANK - You’d better believe it, baby.
BRAD - You mean...?
SCOTTY - Yes, Brad – it’s something we ourselves have been working on. But it seems our friend has found a way of perfecting it – a device that is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space and who knows perhaps even time itself.
(FRANK takes the microphone and gives it to JANET.)
JANET - You mean he’s going to send us to another planet?
PLANET-SCHMANET (AUDIO)
(WISE UP, JANET WEISS)
FRANK (singing)
PLANET! SCHMANET! JANET!
I’LL TELL YOU ONCE, WON’T TELL YOU TWICE
YOU’D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS
Y’APPLE PIE DON’T TASTE TOO NICE
YOU’D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS
I’VE LAID THE SEED IT SHOULD BE ALL YOU NEED
YOU’RE AS SENSUAL AS A PENCIL
WOUND UP LIKE AN ‘E’ OR FIRST STRING
WHEN WE MADE IT DID YA HEAR A BELL RING?
Y’ GOT A BLOCK TAKE MY ADVICE
YOU’D BETTER WISE UP, JANET WEISS
THE TRANSDUCER WILL SEDUCE YAH
IT’S SOMETHING YOU’LL GET USED TO
A MENTAL MIND-FUCK CAN BE NICE
YOU’D BETTER WISE UP – JANET WEISS
YOU’D BETTER WISE UP
BUILD YOUR THIGHS UP
YOU’D BETTER WISE UP

NARRATOR (speaking) - And then she cries out.
JANET - STOP!!
FRANK - DON’T GET HOT AND FLUSTERED USE A BIT OF MUSTARD.
(RIFF-RAFF comes down from the laboratory, picks up a spray gun ( a cheap pump bug sprayer, and dances to the stage.)

ALL (singing; voices building) - YOU’RE A HOT DOG BUT YOU’D BETTER NOT TRY TO HURT HER FRANK FURTER
(The above three lines are repeated as, one by one, JANET, BRAD
and SCOTTY are released by FRANK signaling to MAGENTA to pull the
switch. In turn they make for FRANK but are sprayed by RIFF-RAFF
and they become drugged. They are pushed off into the wings.
When all are gone, save for RIFF-RAFF, FRANK, MAGENTA and
COLUMBIA, MAGENTA continues to sing even though the band has
stopped playing.)
FRANK - Magenta, relax.
(FRANK nods to RIFF-RAFF who gives MAGENTA a liberal spraying. She purrs and collapses on to the coke machine.) - Columbia! (COLUMBIA comes like a shot.)
The artistes are in a molecular state somewhere between entrance and exit.
(RIFF-RAFF sprays COLUMBIA.) When they have pulled themselves together, see that they are prepared for the floorshow.
COLUMBIA (speaking slowly at first, then getting faster and higher) - Oh Wow – I can dig it – too much – far out – what a gas – that’s groovy – I’m hip, man – it’s like a trip – oh nice one – freak out, baby – dig you later.
(COLUMBIA buzzes, jumps L. and exits. There is a pause.)
FRANK - It’s not easy having a good time – even smiling makes my face ache – and my children turn on me. Rocky’s behaving just as Eddie did – maybe I made a mistake in splitting his brains between the two of them.
(RIFF-RAFF smiles and says nothing.)
MAGENTA (crossing to FRANK; loudly) - When do we return to Transylvania? – I grow weary of this world. (AUDIO)
FRANK (groaning as if from a headache) - Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother, Riff-Raff – you have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous.
(He strokes MAGENTA and puts his arm around her.)
MAGENTA (throwing off his arm) - I ask for nothing, Master.
FRANK - And you shall receive it in abundance – come – our guests will be growing restless.
(FRANK exits L. MAGENTA and RIFF-RAFF look at one another. They
make an extraterrestrial sign. MAGENTA and RIFF-RAFF exit. The
red curtains close. A spotlight picks up the NARRATOR.)

furter
lon4
 

NARRATOR
And so, by some extraordinary coincidence – fate it seems had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Evrett Scott. But, it was to be in a situation which none of them could have possibly foreseen – And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to...? And what of the sonic transducer and the floorshow that had been spoken of? What indeed? From what had gone before it was clear that this was to be no picnic.

(The band plays the introduction to Song COLUMBIA’s leg
appears through the curtains.)

floor

brad

Everyone except FRANK and SCOTTY enters singly – each wearing black stockings and suspenders with black underwear – as the cue for their verse comes. Finally they become a
slow-motion chorus line.

FLOORSHOW
(ROSE TINT MY WORLD) (AUDIO)

COLUMBIA
(taking the microphone)
IT WAS GREAT
WHEN IT ALL BEGAN
I WAS A REGULAR FRANKIE FAN
BUT IT WAS OVER WHEN HE HAD THE PLAN
TO START WORKING ON A MUSCLE-MAN
NOW THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME HOPE
IS MY LOVE OF A CERTAIN DOPE
ROSE TINTS MY WORLD KEEPS ME
SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAIN.

(As ROCKY enters COLUMBIA throws the microphone to him. COLUMBIA freezes S.L.)
ROCKY
I’M JUST SEVEN HOURS OLD
TRULY BEAUTIFUL TO BEHOLD
AND SOMEBODY SHOULD BE TOLD
MY LIBIDO HASN’T BEEN CONTROLLED
NOW THE ONLY THING I’VE COME TO TRUST
IS AN ORGASMIC RUSH OF LUST
ROSE TINTS MY WORLD KEEPS ME
SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAIN.

(ROCKY throws the microphone to BRAD, then freezes S.R.)
BRAD
IT’S BEYOND ME
HELP ME, MOMMY
I’LL BE GOOD YOU’LL SEE
TAKE THIS DREAM AWAY
WHAT’S THIS, LET’S SEE
I FEEL SEXY
WHAT’S COME OVER ME
HERE IT COMES AGAIN.

(BRAD throws the microphone to JANET, then freezes C. of COLUMBIA.)
JANET
I FEEL RELEASED
BAD TIMES DECEASED
MY CONFIDENCE HAS INCREASED
REALITY IS HERE
THE GAME HAS BEEN DISBANDED
MY MIND HAS BEEN EXPANDED
IT’S A GAS THAT FRANKIE’S LANDED
HIS LUST IS SO SINCERE.

 

 

janet

 

 

(JANET keeps the microphone and freezes C. of ROCKY. The redcurtains open to show FRANK on the box.)

FRANK
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO FAY WRAY
THAT DELICATE SATIN DRAPED FRAME
AS IT CLUNG TO HER THIGH
HOW I STARTED TO CRY
FOR I WANTED TO BE DRESSED JUST THE SAME

(FRANK steps down from the box and comes forward.)
GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO ABSOLUTE PLEASURE
SWIM THE WARM WATERS OF SINS OF THE FLESH
EROTIC NIGHTMARES BEYOND ANY MEASURE
AND SENSUAL DAYDREAMS TO TREASURE FOREVER
CAN’T YOU JUST SEE IT.
DON’T DREAM IT – BE IT
DON’T DREAM IT – BE IT
DON’T DREAM IT – BE IT
fabab syd
    (They all gather around FRANK – trance-like. They fall to their
knees and stroke each other. JANET slips the microphone to
FRANK. SCOTTY enters and takes a photograph. FRANK’s last
chorus continues fading slowly and through this comes SCOTTY’s
thoughts. As he sings, the blanket reveals his stocking-clad
legs.)
 

 

 

scott

gropesyd

dr

SCOTTY
(speaking)
Hmm... We’ve got to get out of this trap
Before this decadence saps our wills
I’ve got to be strong and try to hang on
Or my mind may well snap
And my life will be lived –
(singing)
– FOR THE THRILLS.

floor

BRAD - IT’S BEYOND ME HELP ME, MOMMY
JANET - GOD BLESS LILLY ST. CYR.
FRANK (screaming) - MY, MY, MY, MY.
I’M A WILD AND AN UNTAMED THING
I’M A BEE WITH A DEADLY STING
GET A HIT, AND YOUR MIND GOES PING
YOUR HEART’LL THUMP AND YOUR BLOOD WILL SING
SO LET THE PARTY AND THE SOUNDS ROCK ON
GONNA SHAKE IT TILL THE LIFE HAS GONE
ROSE TINT MY WORLD
KEEP ME SAFE FROM MY TROUBLE AND PAIN.

(They all sing “We’re a wild and untamed thing” – right through
twice, in a chorus line. RIFF-RAFF and MAGENTA enter from a
surprise position, dressed in extraterrestrial national costume.) (AUDIO)

wild
end goodbye

RIFF-RAFF
FRANK ‘N’ FURTER
IT’S ALL OVER
YOUR MISSION IS A FAILURE
YOUR LIFE STYLE’S TOO EXTREME
I’M YOUR NEW COMMANDER
YOU NOW ARE MY PRISONER
(speaking)
We return to Transylvania
(to MAGENTA; singing)
PREPARE THE TRANSIT BEAM.
(Everyone freezes except MAGENTA who goes to do RIFF-RAFF’s
bidding.)

FRANK
Wait – I can explain.
(MAGENTA stops and yawns.)

 

 

 

russ

 

ls

 

ls

 

 

castlast

ush

GOING HOME (AUDIO)
FRANK - ON THE DAY I WENT AWAY
ALL
GOODBYE
FRANK
WAS ALL I HAD TO SAY
ALL
NOW I
FRANK
WANT TO COME AGAIN AND STAY
ALL
OH MY
FRANK
SMILE AND THAT WILL MEAN I MAY
I’VE SEEN BLUE SKIES

(A cloud effect is seen on the screen.)
THROUGH THE TEARS IN MY EYES
AND I REALIZE I’M GOING HOME

ALL
I’M GOING HOME
FRANK
EVERYWHERE IT’S BEEN THE SAME
ALL
FEELING
FRANK
LIKE I’M OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN
ALL
WHEELING
FRANK
FREE TO TRY AND FIND A GAME
ALL
DEALING
FRANK
CARDS FOR SORROW, CARDS FOR PAIN
I’VE SEEN BLUE SKIES
THROUGH THE TEARS IN MY EYES
AND I REALIZE – I’M GOING HOME

ALL
I’M GOING HOME
I’M GOING HOME.


MAGENTA - How sentimental.
RIFF-RAFF (coming forward) - And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said we were to return, I referred only to Magenta and myself. I’m sorry however if you found my words misleading. You see, you are to remain here – in spirit anyway– (He produces a ray gun.)
SCOTTY - Great heavens – that’s a laser.
RIFF-RAFF (making for FRANK) - Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.
BRAD - You mean you’re going to kill him? – What’s his crime?
SCOTTY - You saw what had become of Eddie. Society must be protected.
RIFF-RAFF (still fixed on FRANK) - Exactly, Dr. Scott. Now Frank-n-Furter, your time has come. Say goodbye to all this – and hello to oblivion.
FRANK - Do your worst – inferior one.
COLUMBIA - No!! No!!
(COLUMBIA throws herself between RIFF-RAFF and FRANK – BLATTT– COLUMBIA and FRANK are both killed. COLUMBIA should die quickly FRANK should enjoy it more. ROCKY bellows, beats his chest, and
picks up FRANK. RIFF-RAFF fires again and again until finally ROCKY dies. Spectacularly.)
BRAD - Good God.
RIFF-RAFF (not looking at BRAD and JANET) - Yes.
JANET - You’ve killed them.
MAGENTA - I thought you liked them – they liked you.
RIFF-RAFF (screaming) - They didn’t like me. They never liked me. You saw the way things were – the way they were going.
SCOTTY - You did right. (RIFF-RAFF had forgotten them but now he turns on them with the laser.) Oh, shit!
RIFF-RAFF - A decision had to be made.
SCOTTY - You’re OK by me. (He offers his hand.)
RIFF-RAFF - Dr. Scott, I’m sorry about your nephew.
SCOTTY - Yes – perhaps it’s for the best.
RIFF-RAFF - You should leave now, Dr. Scott While it is still possible We are about to beam the entire house
Back to the planet of Transsexual In the galaxy of Transylvania Go NOW

(BRAD pushes SCOTTY and JANET off. RIFF-RAFF and MAGENTA look at
one another. They start to laugh quietly. Their laughter builds
as they climb to the laboratory and sit on coke fridge.)
MAGENTA - I wonder if I remembered to cancel the milk.
RIFF-RAFF - No matter, Magenta – activate the transit crystal.
(There is a flash and a bang and RIFF-RAFF and MAGENTA are gone.
The introduction to “Super Heroes” starts. The cloud effect
plays on the screen, then a spot picks up BRAD as he climbs the
curved ladder, singing.)
SUPER HEROES (AUDIO)
BRAD
I’VE DONE A LOT
GOD KNOWS I’VE TRIED
TO FIND THE TRUTH
I’VE EVEN LIED
BUT ALL I KNOW
IS DOWN INSIDE
ALL
I’M BLEEDING.

(A Light picks up JANET as she climbs and sings.)
JANET
AND SUPER HEROES
COME TO FEAST
TO TASTE THE FLESH
NOT YET DECEASED
AND ALL I KNOW
IS STILL THE BEAST

(BRAD and JANET try to touch hands.)
ALL
IS FEEDING.
(The entire cast, except MAGENTA, come on stage in front of the
screen. FRANK stands on the box.)
AHH, AHH, etc. ...
(chant)
(The NARRATOR steps forward.)
NARRATOR (speaking)
And crawling on the planet’s face Some insects called the human race
Lost in time
And lost in space

ALL
And meaning.
(There is a slow fade to Black-out. The curtains close and
MAGENTA comes between them as the Usherette.)

SCIENCE FICTION (reprise) (AUDIO)
MAGENTA (singing)
SCIENCE FICTION – DOUBLE FEATURE
FRANK HAS BUILT AND LOST HIS CREATURE
DARKNESS HAS CONQUERED BRAD AND JANET
THE SERVANTS GONE TO A DISTANT PLANET
OH – AT THE LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE
PICTURE SHOW – I WANT TO GO – OHH –
TO THE LATE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE PICTURE SHOW.

THE END (AUDIO)
(Curtain calls work well to “Sweet Transvestite” and once all the
cast have bowed together a quick reprise of the “Time Warp”
doesn’t go amiss.)

homereg

goping

homey

 

 

 

ending

 

 

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ls

 

 

 

 

tr

tl

finale
BACK